Sunday, April 15, 2012


            Over the years many hurts and debilitating emotional pain has really added up. Most of it is from very unhealthy relationships. The saying "You cannot love someone else until you love yourself is very true. For the past few years I have really felt like I've just been going through the motions of life and not really living it. Yes, there are moments of clarity and calmness when I visited places like "Ricket's Glen" in Northern Central Pennsylvania, and nature has been a very good healer, but I'll elaborate on that later. Right now, I'm struggling to make since on why my life has seemed to go from all right and actually getting somewhere, to all wrong in just one year. But this isn't anything new; it seems to always go that way whenever a man is present in my life. Science shows that writing and letting out raw emotions is very therapeutic, thus here are my thoughts.

            I started this blog, not as a means to gain sympathy, but as a means to heal and share my story with others so that perhaps they might gain some insight, inspiration, ect. I want the numbness and feelings of isolation to go away. I want to not feel so socially awkward, and most of all I want more confidence and love for myself. I want to not be afraid anymore, and I want to not be such an easy target for sociopaths and men who just want to control and use me. Science shows that writing and letting out raw emotions is very therapeutic. So begins my path for self enlightenment and healing.

          Recently I began classes to become a licensed Massage Therapist. So far I have met a group with similar values and beliefs. I have been so amazed with all the knowledge that I have collected over the years from books and articles, and how some of those books that have collected dust never to be read, are completely relevant now. One of those books is on Taoism. So far everything I've learned is very complex, yet simple. In Shiatsu class (which is Japanese Finger Pressure massage), we learned a little bit about how it got it's roots from a Buddhist monk that traveled to Japan. We learned about the Yin and Yang which explains how everything has an opposite, yet one cannot exist without the other, which is a very Taoist philosophy. I suddenly found myself more receptive and open to learning and have felt that I just can't get enough information. I spend most of my free time reading articles from a new found obsession: Pinterest, and connecting with authors on Facebook. I had absolutely no idea that I could find all of this information at my fingertips! I literally feel like a sheet has been taken off my eyes, and I have "woken up" to truth.

          As an Environmental Science major, I understood the benefits of going green, but I didn't know how. I could live and appreciate an organic and sustainable lifestyle, and I had no clue where to even begin. The science and logic told me that Monsanto and GMOs were bad; that pesticides are creating hypoxic (lack of oxygen) zones in the Gulf of Mexico, where life cannot live, due to run off from the Mississippi, and that if something doesn't change, our culture will become more sick and diseased. I also understood why. Monsanto is playing a role in population control, and greatly profiting from it. Humans really are the Earth's worst virus and we're still breeding like we're going into extinction. Unfortunately the Earth also suffers from the greed and corruptness of Monsanto and other big corporations that run the United States.

          Since my path toward Enlightenment however, I have been feeling much more alive and vibrant and thanks to these articles I can now understand and appreciate why going green and heading towards completely organic and sustainability is the wisest lifestyle change I can make. I've also taken a healthy interest in Eastern Medicine (thanks to Shiatsu) and Ayurveda (Indian hemopathic medicine that can heal better than alopathic medicine. With my hormones feeling more balanced, and my aches and pains not so severe from practicing Yoga, my emotional pain has lessened too. Over the course of this blog, I will share articles, projects I'm working on, and hopefully inspiration and awareness. Enjoy!

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